By: Lou Goldhaber, Co-Founder, www.sunnybump.com
It’s one of those things that everyone has done before. Whether or not we admit it out in the open, we have all had that crazy night out where we end up walking home delirious, tired, and embarrassed. Of course I am referring to the infamous “Walk of Shame”. We all know it well. We have all been there before. Some more than others.
When I got older, married, and had a child, I thought my days of partaking in the “walk of shame” were over. I figured I had moved on, graduated, matured. WRONG! I realize that all I really did was trade in one walk for another one. Both of these walks are filled full of shame, embarrassment, uncomfortable surroundings, and inappropriate attire. Yes…all you parents out there know exactly what I am talking about. We may have traded in our late night drinking adventures for bottle feedings, but we still have the good ol’ walk of shame.
The other night I went out to dinner with a big group of people. It was special night out. It was for a special occasion, and it was filled with friends, laughter, and good food. I decided for whatever reason to bring my 4 month old son Ray to this event. He is usually very good when we go out
(a total mench) and I wanted him to meet some of these people he hadn’t met before. The night got off to a great start. Ray was happy… the food was flowing… the vibe was right. I started to look at my watch and realized it was getting way passed Ray’s bedtime. We all know that feeling. Immediate thoughts of terror started creeping into my mind. What if he has a meltdown? Well, my thoughts became reality. By the time the main courses came out and Ray was now 2 hours past his bedtime, he started to meltdown. I can’t blame the little guy. Schedules people schedules! I usually rule the schedule with an iron fist. But not this night, and I paid for it.
Ray began to freak out. Nothing I could do would console him. I began to try all my tricks. Bobbing, weaving, ducking, sshing, covering. You name it I tried it. Nothing worked. I looked around the table at all the faces thinking that they wanted to kill me. Thoughts of them asking, “Why would he bring the baby to dinner?” “I wish that baby would stop crying.” “I am trying to enjoy my meal here.” I began to panic. The sweat was building, the levels of uncomfort were increasing, and I was out of options. So, I grabbed Ray in my arms and did what I thought I hadn’t done since 2001 in Acapulco, MX…that’s right…the “walk of shame”. This walk of shame turned out not to be that different than the one I am used to from my past. I proceeded to get up and walk by everyone in my group as I exited the table and the restaurant with my crying baby.
Let’s examine the similarities.
Old Walk- Utter Embarrassment. “Look at this idiot walking home at 5AM in the morning.”
New Walk- Utter Embarrassment. “Man, that baby is really crying, and I want to strangle that guy.”
2) Inappropriate Attire:
Old Walk- “Why is that guy walking home at 5AM in a full suit?”
New Walk- “Why is that guy walking through the restaurant with a burp cloth over his shoulder?”
Old Walk- “Man, I shouldn’t have had that much to drink last night. It’s gonna be a long day.”
New Walk- “Man, I hope this baby sleeps through the night tonight ‘cause I am exhausted.”
It ended up not really being that big of a deal at all. I returned to the table after settling him down outside to everyone’s excitement. They all wanted to know where I went and why. Everyone at the dinner was super understanding. They are all parents, and they understood that sometimes babies cry. It turned out to all be in my head. This was a huge relief and a good life lesson. In the end, things are probably never really as bad as they seem. I guess this walk of shame was better than the ones in my past.